I find myself thinking that what I do and the beautiful things that I create is superficial, and in the grand scheme of things - for some reason - that they don’t matter. But what I’ve been leaning into is that what I do, and the abilities that I have, is such a gift.
There is a deep spirituality in creating something beautiful with your hands. Whether you believe in God, a higher power, the universal force - whatever you choose to call it - there is such strength in the belief that, I did this…and it is beautiful…and it is a gift to my soul and can be a gift to others as well.
I think from a young age I was ‘programmed’ into thinking that being an artist - like a full-time, no safety net, this is what I am artist - could not be a ‘real thing’ and the trajectory of my life has proven that theory. I’ve always had a clock-in, clock-out job. A series of these jobs lead me to a career, and that career has given me the safety net - or just the illusion of it - that I’ve needed to pursue what I keep coming back to.
My art is my safe haven, my warm hug. It’s what I time and time again keep coming back to for a multitude of reasons. It’s been my calm, it’s been my sanity, it’s been my refuge when absolutely NOTHING in my life has gone by my plan.
One of my favorite quotes - and I don’t know who to credit - is “How do you make God laugh? - Make plans.”
Because man, have my plans shifted. I bet I’ve made God laugh so hard tears have streamed down His face. Funny tears, sad tears…”For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE.” My hope is that I find my worth one day and I acknowledge it, but until then, I will praise Him and thank Him for that eventual acceptance of this gift He’s given me.
I do believe in self-affirmations. I’m worthy of this gift. I’ve been given a talent others would love to have. I’m ENOUGH.
Too many times, women specifically, because that’s what I am, and that’s where I’m coming from, we have this mentality on replay in our minds that we aren’t good enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough - the list could go on - that we cannot just take the first blind step. And until we ARE enough, we remain stagnant in that belief that we don’t put ourselves out there because of FEAR.
If this hit you in a feel, I challenge you - and I’m absolutely challenging myself - to do it anyway, whatever your ‘it’ looks like. And know you’re worthy of that.
